15-love.
'We're here at the Dom Stadjum in Tulovnik to witness
the utter humiliation of Jimmy Stojkovic
30-love.
'Local hero Vukoosin Ergovich
is clearly destroying this 'feeble excuse for a tennis player.
'What a handsome man, and what a tremendous moustache.'
That was out!
Stojkovic, on the other hand,
he has the most pathetic moustache I have ever seen.
Game won by Ergovich.
Ergovich least 5 games to 2
Second set by one set to love. That wasn't fair!
And it looks thin because it is blonde.
- What is it, Dad? - I have been watching closely, and
I have worked out where you are going wrong. You just need to play...
more like a man.
- Not like a girl. - Exactly.
Time!
Relax, I've got Vuk right where I want him.
Four double faults! In a row!
I have never been so humiliated in all my life.
'Would Jimmy Stojkovic please report to the DTA Office for drug testing?'
- Seriously? - They seriously think
there is any chance that you took performance enhancing drugs?
They obviously didn't see him play.
I was dehydrated.
What's going on?-
arriving for her first match.
That's right, baby, come to The Wolf.
Man at one o' clock.
He was only waving at me. Waving is how it all starts.
She is even more beautiful in the flesh.
Yeah, unfortunately, she'd never go for a girly-boy like you.
A woman like that, she needs a real man.
I needed an extra cup.
I give you that rarest of species, a British tennis champion, Rapunzel.
Filipovic.
Why have you honoured our humble nation with your great presence?
As you all know, I was born here.
Even though I was adopted and grew up in England, this region has always remained dear to my heart.
Michelle Boullez, Paris Matin. When are you going to cut your hair?
I'm superstitious. I believe that if I cut my hair, I'll lose. So hopefully,never.
Doesn't it get greasy? You'd think so, but fortunately
thanks to my special formula shampoo, I never have any problems.
Simon Berry, New York Chronicle.
Our readers want to know whether you've got a boyfriend,and if not,why not?
At this moment in time, Rapunzel has more important things on her mind than boys.
Besides, I'd have to find someone who could beat me at tennis, which kind of narrows the field.
Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me.
I'm american, you can do this. Let go of me.
Great news, you passed the drug test. Big surprise. This is not the great news.
It is that there was an irregularity with your sample.
You have a lower than normal level of testosterone. How low?
Everyone thought there'd been a mix up with a woman's sample.-
this great news? Because
I now know how to make you tennis champion. We enter him as a woman.
Think about it. He has the serve of a woman.
The backhand of a woman and the urine of a woman. Why not?
Because I do not look like a woman. You do a bit.
Don't worry. Boris studied make-up at the Belgrade Academy of Dramatic Arts.
What do you say? No. No.
No, I'm not doing it. Don't you want to win
I want to win, yes. Not as a woman, as a man.
I cannot believe how selfish you are.
Do you have any idea how important this is to your father?
I'm sorry. Don't be too hard on him, Boris.
My first two children also failed me in this. Martina...
May God rest her soul. And as for Boris, well...
I had bad knees! No, you were too fat, like your mother.
Well, well, well...
Look who it is, Vladimir.
Goran, what a wonderful surprise. How's your Uncle Andrija?
He wants to know where his money is.
0h, my God. Is that your mother walking the street again? I owe her money too.
How much do we owe them, roughly?
Ten million, 338,0000, 935 dinar.
Where are we going to get that kind of money from?
It's the exact amount you get for making it through to the ladies' quarters ofthe British Tennis Open.
I'm not doing it. We'll enter you as Martina Stojkovic
to honour your dead sister. What a fitting gesture!
Could the officials for court four report to the tournament desk.
What do you think?
Do I look genuinely female?
More than your opponent. Her name is Maria de la Hoya.
Her hobbies include arm wrestling, rugby, and singing tenor.
You have to beat her in order to qualify for the main tournament.
Relax, she's a girl.
No way I can lose.
Time!
She played like a man! At least somebody did.
I think she could actually be a man. You'll never believe this!
Maria de la Hoya tested positive for blood transfusions, which means...
She WAS cheating!
We get an automatic bye into the first round of the British Open at Rampion.
Let's order room service to celebrate.
It says here all players are expected to attend the main draw
at the world famous Buckingham Park Hotel.
I'm not going dressed as a woman. She is worried about what to wear.
No, no! He is worried about wearing it. Do not worry
we'll find you a dress fit for a princess.
What are we going to wear? It says here black tie only.
You and I will go and hire a dinner jacket from one of the finest tailors in all of Bond Street.
Moss Bros!
I'd like two guards with her at all times, an additional detail patrolling the perimeter
and a sniper on standby
with those bullets that explode inside the body after they've penetrated the surface.
Yes?
I wasthinking about, you know... DOn't sluoch
I was wondering if I could cut my hair, just a few inches. Absolutely not
It'sjust...
it makes me feel like a little girl.
What is the one thing that everyone remembers about Rapunzel?
She had long hair.
The second you cut it, you compromise the integrity of the brand.
And what happens then? We sell less shampoo?
This isn'tjust about your sponsorship deals.
This is about the mythology I've spent ten years creating.
You cut your hair, your opponents won't intimidated by that mythology.
They'll start to see the girl beneath
Now, hurry up and get ready. We leave in ten minutes.
Look over there, it's Sir Cliff of Richard. Where?
Talking to the guitarist from Status Quo. That is Martina Navratilova.
What is wrong with you? I look like a cheap prostitute.
You do not. You look like an expensive prostitute,
especially with the exchange rate as it is. Isn't that right, Boris?
If you were female, I would pay you for sex.
I would be your sister. I know.
I'm sorry, I... Oh, my God.
So ugly.
You can read all about it in my daughter's second biography...Hi. I don't think we've met
My name is Vukoosin Ergovich, AKA The Wolf.
Ranked number eight in the world. She's not allowed to talk to men.
Well, at least she can shake my hand.
Would you excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
Hello?
Are you OK?
It said in your note that there was a medical emergency.
Yes
if I don t talk to you,
I will die.
Nothing I appreciate more than a woman who can handle her drink.
Roger Bateman. Commentator for the BBC/former national champion.
Once ranked as high as 235th in the world.
Martina Stojkovic, tennis player.
Really? Wouldn't have thought you had the build for it.
Not in today's game, anyway.
Still, it's about time somebody brought the sex back into tennis.
Back in my day, men were men,
and women were women.
Oh, excuse me.
15-love.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
There's no easy way to say this, and if I could
I would just keep quiet. But
I'm in love with you. But we've onlyjust met.
I was in love with you before we met.
Before we met?
I was in love with you from the moment I laid eyes on you.
we're not doing anything.
You can't tell my mother.
I let you out of my sight for five minutes,
and you're sneaking off doing God knows what with God knows whom.
Hello, my name is... Shut up!
I'd rather you didn't speak to my boyfriend like that.
Your what? My boyfriend.
Vuk, Vuk, Vukkie. Vukkie, Vukkie.
He is going out with you?
You sound surprised. No, it's true. Isn't it, Vuk?
Yes, this is my girlfriend.
Do you really expect me to believe that?
They're doing the draw any second,
we'd better find out seats.
You're a good kisser. Thank you.
Ah! Do you want the good news, the bad news or the amazing news?
What's the good news?
In the first round, you play the second worst player in the tournament.
You are the worst player.
What is the bad news?
In or er to make the quarter finals to secure
the necessary prize money to pay off the Pepic twins,
you play Rapunzel in the fourth round.
She will crush you like a baby chicken under wheel of tractor.
What is the amazing news?
Sir Cliff of Richard, mistook me for a waiter and handed me this.
A half eaten shrimp.
A half eaten shrimp, masticated by the same jaws
that gave the world Devil Woman!
I could have got it!
Easy.
Out!
work on your return.
- what exacly do wanted? - just tring get it over.
- Top or bottom half? - Bottom.
- Left side or right side? - Surprise me.
OK.
I said surprise me.
- Hello again. Oh! - Oh, Rapunzel, hi.
Please. Rapunzel'sjust my brand name.
My friends call me Billy-jane.
- Pleased to meet you. My name is... - Martina, I know.
We're due to meet in the fourth round.
- I wanted to thank you for last night. - Oh! Don't mention it.
Besides, I got to kiss...Vuk.
What was that like?
Like kissing any boy, I guess.
- I've never kissed a boy before. - Serious. Seriously?
Mum says it'll lead to, you know. . .sex!
That's the general idea.
she sais that sex interfere with tennis.
Well, the trick is to not do them at the same time.
You've had sex?
- Maybe. - With a man?
There might have been a man involved, yes.
- What might it have been like? - Brilliant.
- Maybe I should have it with Vuk. - It's not that good.
- Don't you think he's amazing! - Who, Vuk?
He's so brave and heroic. I think I'm in love with him.
He's all right, I guess. Bit arrogant. Plus that quiff.
Say, why don't we practice together?
won't your mum mind?
She always lets me choose one practice partner for each tournament.
I've already got a partner.
Maybe I should ask Vuk to practice with me.
- Do we have to do this? - I have my orders.
All visitors are to be searched.
Wow! It's like something out of a fairytale.
Something out of a horror film, more like. It's like a prison.
Yes. Yes, a big white prison with a massive garden.
An asylum, perhaps.
- Prisons don't have to be small. - No, but it helps.
The more space there is, the easier it is to be lonely.
- Who is she? - Martina Stojkovic.
Only playing because of a late disqualification. Bit of an unknown.
-Why is Billy-jane practicing with her? -No idea.
You know what your problem is?
You need to think more like a man.
Owing to the masculisation of the brain,
caused by high levels of testosterone,
men find it easier to focus on things, and shut emotion out.
Mummy wrote a whole book about it.
0h. . .well, in that case...
Whereas you, you're way too emotional.
- I am not emotional. - I am too.
- Seriously, I am not emotional. - You see.
Well, I'm getting emotional, because you keep telling me I'm emotional.
So, I'm emotional, is that a crime?
If you want to win, y0u've got to learn to close down. Like I do.
How?
Repeat after me, 'I will win this point.
I WILL win this point.'
I will win this point.
Keep repeating it as we play.
I will win this point. I will win this point.
You see!
Well, it's a beautiful day here at Rampion,
and this looks set fair to be a glorious tournament, as always.
We're here for the opening round between veteran Elouise Meyer,
and the rather intriguing proposition of Martina Stojkovic.
Any thoughts before we begin, joyce Fletcher?
A week ago, you wouldn't have put money on Meyer getting past the first round.
Talk about luck of the draw, though.
I take it you don't fancy her opponent, then?
You just have to look at Martina Stojkovic to realise that she's thoroughly out of her depth.
- Miss Stojkovic, heads or tails? - Erm. . . heads.
- Heads it is. What will you do? - Serve.
I will win. I will win. I will win. I will win.
She will lose. She will lose.
Miss Stojkovic won the toss and elected to serve. Play.
I will win, she will lose. I will win, she will lose.
0h, she will win, Iwill lose.
She will destroy me.
Time.
I will win. I will win.
- So, no chance of an upset, then? - None whatsoever.
Meyer's about as close to a dead cert as you will get.
15-love.
- You were brilliant. Tell him, Boris. - He was all right. A bit lucky.
Congratulations! I knew you could do it.
0h, it's all thanks to you.
If there's anything I can do to make it upto you, then...
- What are you doing this evening? - What?
Billy-jane! Mrs Brooke! How wonderful to see you.
Please, please come in.
- I thought we agreed no men. - Actually, I'm off.
just wanted to say hello. I'm a big fan.
And Boris hardly counts as a threat.
What are you going to watch?
We are going to watch the best trilogy ever -
Rush Hour One and Rush Hour Two.
Altough I was thinking, see what?? we really shoul watch Beatches.
Beaches? What is this?
It's about two girls from different walks of life who meet on a beach and become friends.
- It sounds very boring. - And then one of them falls ill.
Ill? Is it serious?
You'll have to watch.
I'll be back in two hours.
Helga will be standing outside.
Would you mind signing my first edition of your seminal coaching manual Praise Is For Losers?
She's a bit over-protective.
You're 21 years old? Don't you think she should learn to trust you?
She'll never trust me.
You should stand upto her.
- Where's your make-up? - Bathroom.
What's going on?
It's from Vuk. He sent it today.
He wants to show me the sunset.
To the most beautiful girl in the world.'
Why have you got so much make-up?
0h, I've got terrible skin. You know how it is.
So much pressure to cover up blemishes.
Oh, tell me about it.
We're not watching Beaches?
You can watch it if you want.
I do not want to watch it.
So this thing wasjust an excuse to get your mother off your back?
you said yourself I should stand up to her.
Standing upto her would be telling her that you're going on a date with a boy,
not sneaking around behind her back.
You don't know Mum. She'd never let me spend the evening with Vuk
As far as she's concerned, men are only ever after one thing.
maybe she has a point.
I don't understand why you changed your mind so suddenly.
Ijust don't want to see you get hurt.
Why is it that whenever anyone tries to control me,
they always try to make out that they're doing it for my best interests.
- Be careful. - Bye.
We probably should watch this Beaches.
just, you know, for an alibi.
just in case the old lady interrogates us.
OK.
Oh, Vuk.
It's so romantic.
I knew Mummy was wrong about you.
Martina thinks you're not really interested in showing me the sunset.
And that you were just using it an excuse to lure me to the hotel, so that we could have
you know. . .sex.
I know that isn't the case at all....
- What's going on? - just chilling.
- Why have you taken your shirt off? - I'm just. . .
airing my muscles.
- I should probably be getting back. - just relax.
The Wolf knows exactly what he's doing.
It's getting late.
Ow! You're hurting me.
That really hurt.
0h, that make-up really irritates my eyes.
Yes, me too.
There you are!
Now, Hilary Whitney has just been diagnosed
with viral cardiomyopathy.
But I don't think she's going to die, does she?
She dies?
You were right about Vuk.
He wasn't a prince at all.
What happened?
I managed to knee him right in the testicles. Like this.
Ooh, I understand.
Maybe Mummy was right.
Maybe all men are monsters who will lie
and cheat and do anything to get a girl to sleep with them.
Not all men.
Well, I've never met a man who isn't like that.
I can think of at least one man who isn't.
who?
Nonsense, don't listen to her.
All men are lying monsters, no exceptions,
and if you try to show her otherwise, I will beat you up!
He's joking.
Oh, I'm so glad I've met you.
- I'm so glad we're friends. - Me too.
- And I hope you win again. - You do?
If you keep winning, we can keep practicing together.
As the second round draws to a close,
the story of the tournament, so far must be Martina Stojkovic whose,
well, straight sets demolition of the Russian Petra Petrouska was, well,
Roger, really something out of a fairy-tale?
Well, joyce really won't like me for saying this,
but this girl is just what the ladies' game has been lacking these last few years.
Graceful, unpredictable. 0h, just
look at the way she caresses that ball.
She represents a return to an era when elegance,
not power, ruled the ladies' game.
Mmm, but, er, joyce, is she a real contender?
Well, Pat I'm not convinced. She's had one good game, that's all.
I don't see what the big fuss is about.
Mr. . .Mr Bateman?
This is the ladies room.
0h, I'm such a stickler for etiquette.
I was wondering if you might like to come for dinner this evening?
The manager of Chez Gerard in Chiswick is an old mate.
I'm sure he could get us a table.
I already have plans.
No, you don't fool me.
You might play it all coy,
but deep down inside, what you really want is a
good, hard, old-fashioned...
Oh, shit!
There he is, the superstar.
Let's go and celebrate.
Actually, I'm going back to Billy-jane's house
for an evening of Nancy Myers films.
Can I come? No.
It is girls only this time. We are having a sleepover.
- You are disgusting. - We'll be having separate bedrooms.
What in God's name is going on in that head of yours?
I feel like a night off and fancy letting my hair down.
So take your wig off!
If you are discovered, we will lose means of
paying back the Pepic twins and then they will,
I don't know, cut Boris up into little pieces.
- They will? - Maybe.
I'm sorry, Dad, but for some reason,
the more time I spend with her, the better I play.
Afternoon.
- This is where you will be sleeping.... - Homely.
We haven't used it since Grandpa died.
Don't worry, we've changed the sheets since then.
0h, kind of creepy.
- Do you want to see my bedroom? - All right, then.
Every night, before I go to bed,
I sit by this window, and I let my hair down outside.
just, you know, for ten minutes, just in case there's a prince outside who wants to come in.
0f course, there never is.
Although we are on the third floor.
I doubt it reaches anywhere near the ground.
No, but it reaches that balcony just there.
How's he supposed to get to the balcony?
By shimmying up the drainpipe.
Even so, he's still got to somehow
scale the electric fence, sneak past the armed guard,
avoid setting off the motion-detectors before he even gets to the drainpipe.
Not to mention the rottweilers.
- You have rottweilers? - Four.
'Vicious flesh-eating hounds of death', Mummy calls them.
You can hardly blame a prince for not rescuing you.
Let's just suppose that there
was a man somewhere who somehow managed to
breach the security and get to the balcony down there,
within the requisite ten-minute time frame.
What do you intend to do?
I'd fall in love with him.
I can do this, I can do this...
Rapunzel!
Rapunzel! Pssst!
Let your hair down a bit more.
Martina! Martina! Wake up!
- What's wong? - Some creep tried to rape me.
Really? Are you sure?
- It was horrible. - Tell me exactly what happened.
I was letting my hair down outside the window, like I always do before I go to bed...
You do?
- I told you, remember. - Oh, yes.
And just as I was sitting there, I suddenly heard this
'psst' sound, and I looked down, and there he was, this
rapist.
Rapist? A bit harsh.
You don't understand.
He tried to grab my hair.
Maybe he wasjust going to give it a tug
to see if you wanted to go for a walk in the moonlight.
Really, Martina. Sometimes, I think you're the naive one.
Weren't you just telling me a moment ago
that you wanted someone to grab it and climb up?
- A prince, not a rapist. - Maybe the rapist was a prince.
What kind of sick, twisted fairytale would that be?
What I mean is maybe, he wasn't a rapist at all, just a prince?
He didn't look like a prince.
What did he look like?
He was short, skinny, exactly what you'd expect a pervert to look like.
Although, to be fair, it was dark, you were at least six feet away,
guessing, not in the ideal position to get a good look.
I don't understand why you're taking his side in all of this.
I'm just trying to put things in perspective.
There's something so reassuring about you.
just your tone of your voice
, the way you hold me, I don't know.
Well, you better get back, your mother's probably looking for you.
Can I not sleep here?
Ooh, no, no, I'm a terrible snorer.
I don't think I'm going to be sleeping much anyway.
I think, from now on, I'm going to forget about men altogether.
Well. ..I wouldn't rush into anything.
It just seems that they're all after one thing.
And they don't care what they have to do to get it.
I'd be much better off sticking with women.
- Yes, maybe. - I mean,
look at you. You're a woman.
Yes, I am.
But you're strong,
and you're brave,
and you're gentle,
and you never try to take advantage of me.
No.
Sometimes I wish you were a man, do you know what I mean?
- Yes. - You wish I was a man?
No, I mean, Iwish I was a man.
Although,
if you were a man, you wouldn't be a woman, and
it's because you're a woman that you don't try to take advantage of me.
I know.
Although, I probably wouldn't mind if you did.
- What are you doing? - I'm sorry.
- You should go. - Please no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'lljust lie here, lie still and we can form a
- barrier with some pillows, look. - Please.
'After three days of glorious sunshine,
I'm afraid it's normal service resumed.'
Though for some, the rain couldn't come soon enough.
joyce Fletcher.
I'm out here at Rampion,
where in the short session we did manage,
Martina Stojkovic all but lost her third round tie
against the number nine seed Vicky Lomax.
Quite a drastic change of fortune for the Balkarian.
Less than a third of her first serves in,
30 plus unforced errors.
At this level, that simply isn't good enough...
Come on, Sir Cliff. just one song, please.
What is wrong with you?
Maybe my heart's not in it any more.
This is exactly what I warned you about.
Hello.
I'd better get back.
I wanted to say sorry.
I'm the one who should apologise. You needed a friend...
That's not really why I reacted like that.
- It's not? - I mean, a bit.
- but the truth is, I also felt ashamed. - Why? I'm the one that kissed you.
But I think I wanted you to kiss me.
I think I may felt something for you since we met.
At first I thought it was sisterly affection,
but then I realised that you don't keep fantasising about kissing your sister.
Tell that to Boris.
It seemed like a passing schoolgirl fantasy that I could ignore.
It wasn't until you kissed me that it became real.
- It's nothing to be ashamed of. - But I'm not a lesbian.
I know you're not.
Then how do you explain the way I feel about you?
Why do you need to explain it?
Why do feelings always need to be labelled and understood.
What are you doing?
'As the clouds clear and the play resumes,
it's a testament' to just how popular Martina Stojkovic has become,
that so many spectators have stuck it out to give her a good send off.
Miss Lomax leads by five games to two, second set, and by one set to love.
And with Lomax sewing for the match, two service breaks in hand,
I think it's safe to say that this time, the fairy-tale is very much over.
Oh, not again
It's almost like she's been leading Lomax on along with the rest of us.
Game, Stojkovic!
It's quite unlike anything that we've seen here at Rampion before.
40-love.
Assertive little minx, isn't she, joyce?
Game, set and match, Miss Stojkovic. By two sets to one.
- 0-6, 7-5, 6-1. - That is my daughter!
- Well, that was a winner. - Yeah.
Which brings us to the fourth round match that everyone's talking about.
Billy-jane Brooke versus Martina Stojkovic. The fairy-tale continues, joyce.
What's especially nice is how these two have become
such bosom buddies over the last few days. They're practically inseparable.
Well, the big question is who's going to come out on top, Roger?
Well, Billy-jane should dominate.
That being said, we have started to see the first few chinks in her armour.
If ever there was a time to beat her...
- You need to relax. - I am relaxed.
- What? - Sorry.
Sorry. I've just. ..
I just...
I want to do something more than just kissing.
- What's wrong with just kissing? - I want to explore,
-And I'm starting to think maybe you don't. -Oh, no, I do. I do.
More than you could possibly imagine.
Then why do you sleep with more layers on than my mother?
Why do you form a barrier of pillows between us whenever we spoon?
Why won't you let me see you naked? It's almost like you're scared.
We've got the fourth round, and I think I should conserve my energy.
- I'm still going to beat you. - Oh, you are, are you?
- 0f course. I've never been beaten. - Even so...
I want to give myself the best shot.
Well... I mean...
there is stuff we can do that
you know,
doesn't involve you getting exhausted so much.
- What do you want? - You could at least be civil,
- after all we've been through. - That was 20 years ago.
Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry for what happened.
You make it sound as if it wasn't your fault.
-I could have handled things better, I admit. -0h, I don't know.
If you're going to find out your fiance is having an affair with a go-go dancer,
reading about it in the newspapers is as good a way as any.
- What was I supposed to do? - Tell me the truth.
That you didn't want to be with someone who couldn't give you a family.
Right, well, I have some information...
Information a lot of people are prepared to pay a lot of money for.
- Good for you. - But before I offer it out to tender,
a sense of loyalty compels me to give you the chance to take it off the market.
Are you trying to blackmail me?
It's about the precise nature of the relationship
between your daughter and Martina Stojkovic.
Excuse me.
Get of off her!
I can't breathe. Can't breathe.
- Let go of her! - You stay out of this.
Get that thing out of my sight! Now...
- I suggest you try and get some rest. - How dare you.
It is my responsibility to ensure nothing gets in the way of tennis.
Oh, please, stop talking to me like my manager for once.
- Please don't use that tone with me. - What did you think?
That you could surround me with women all my life and I wouldn't fall in love?
- You wouldn't know what love felt like. - And whose fault is that?
People like Martina,
they prey on people like you, people whose hearts haven't been broken. And they break them.
I'd rather have a broken heart than a frozen one.
- What are you doing? - I'm getting out of here.
You can't live! You have the fourth round tomorrow! Don't you dare walk away from me,
- I am your mother! - No, you're not.
You just adopted me because you needed a tennis champion
and you couldn't have children on your own.
- You're not going anywhere! - just try and stop me.
Let go of me!
No! No-0-o!
I'll take cash or a cheque.
What?
They publish these photos and she'll be ruined. You wouldn't do that to your own daughter.
No, you're right. I wouldn't.
Are you out of your mind?
I am starting to wonder if maybe you don't really want to win this.
- Maybe I don't. - Why not?
It is one thing to cheat against people you don't know, another
- when it is somebody you care about. - You hear this?
- I hear it, but I don't believe it. - I don't think she'd ever forgive me.
She won't anyway. What difference does it make if you beat her or not?
It makes a difference to me!
Goran, Vladimir. What a lovely surprise!
Spare us the pleasantries, Stojkovic. You are not going to worm your way out of this one.
- Do you have our money? - Almost.
My daughter Martina is playing in the fourth round of The British Open at Rampion.
If she makes it into the quarter finals,
she is guaranteed a prize money of £88,550.
Ten million, 338,000, 935 Bordurian dinar.
So, you think you can beat the famous Rapunzel?
- Maybe? - She does not seem very convinced.
I think she needs a little incentive.
If you ever want to see your father alive again,
then you will need to win this tennis match.
Let's go!
Hey, listen, it's upto you.
You don't want to bend the rules to save the life of your father, that's your decision.
Pass the jam.
And with the players due on any second, how do you think the nation are going to respond?
Are we ready for our first high-profile lesbian couple, joyce?
It's not really our first, Roger, there's Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi.
They're American, and I thought she was going out with Anne Heche?
- Clare Balding and Alice Arnold. - You're quite the expert.
Hey, Martina.
I just wanted to wish you good luck and...
If you and Rapunzel fancy a game of American doubles, two on one, I'll bring the balls.
You... wouldn't be able to keep up.
Alex Parks and jill jackson from the band Speedway.
- That's scraping the barrel a bit. - My point is, Roger...
I think in this day and age, I think we can trust the British public not to let a person's
sexuality alter their opinion of them.
Well, we'll soon find out, because I think, yes, here they come.
- I think we have our answer, Roger. - Not only that, but Rapunzel
has cut her hair. She's quite literally...
had a haircut. Can you believe it, joyce?
I don't know, I rather like it. It gives her a certain je ne sais quoi.
Yes, but isn't it a bit risky cutting it at such a crucial time?
It reminds me of Demi Moore in the film GI jane, where she
liberates herself by shaving it off.
Fantastic film by the way ??
First set. Miss Brooke to serve. Play.
15-love.
30-love.
To all those doubters who questioned whether Rapunzel would be able to play
without the guidance of her mother, a fairly unequivocal reply, joyce.
Tecnically immaculate ????
What I particularly like is the sheer ruthlessness of this display.
You'd think these two were sworn enemies.
What?
You could at least let me win one service game.
jesus, Martina, grow some balls.
- I'm trying, but... - But what?
- It's difficult. - No it's not, it's simple.
You want something, you take it, if you don't, someone else will.
Time.
Miss Stojkovic?
Second set. Miss Brooke to serve. New balls, please.
'I will win. I will win.'
- Love-15. - That's more like it.
Game Stojkovic.
Deuce.
Brooke prepares to serve, it's deuce in the 26th game
of what has been an epic third set.
With these two matching each other game for game, the match is
delicately poised.
- Fault. - A ?? service error from Broke.
Out!
A potentially costly mistake there from Brooke, and Stojkovic,
having faced three match points,
suddenly finds herself with a first match point of her own.
Please respect the players.
- Fault! - Three in a row. I can't remember this
ever happening before.
The pressure's on her now. She's got to make this service.
Out!
Game, set and match Miss Stojkovic, two sets to one, 0-6, 6-lu, 14-12.
- Cheer up, you won! - But you let me win, why?
- Because I love you. - Martina!
Fabulous match, Rapunzel. Could have gone either way.
It didn't, commiserations.
I'm a little disappointed, obviously,
but in the end I know that I played my best tennis, and
on the day, I was beaten by a better player.
Must take the sting out of it, though, to go down to a girl like Martina.
Yes.She's amazing.
Well, we look forward to you coming back for many more years.
Martina Stojkovic, a place in the quarter finals.How delicious is that?
Yes. ..it was entirely unexpected.
Quarter-finals at the first attempt. Billy jane beated for the time and to
come from behind like that, it's quite a turnaround, Martina?
- I suppose so. - What do you think the secret was?
-Secret? -Given how close to two of you have become,
how were you able to shut out the emotion?
I'm a man.
By that, I take it, you mean, that you feel you had the physical advantage?
No, what I mean is I'm actually a man.
You're an actual man?
- I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. - Well, it's a bit late for that.
I've spoken to the referee. I think you'll be awarded the type(??) by default.
- I feel like such an idiot. - Well, you shouldn't.
Everyone has their heart broken at some point. It's all part of life.
I'm sorry for what I said.
Mothers and daughters say all kinds of things. It's what you do when you love someone.
- Like the hair, by the way - Thanks.
Do you know what this is?
An invitation to Chris Everett Lloyd's box at the Proms. Cancelled.
An invitation to jemima Goldsmith's pagoda-opening party, cancelled.
An invitation to Tony Blair's barn dance...
this I'm not so bothered, but still.
- Dad? - I've never been so umiliated in my life!
Finally, on the day of your greatest triumph as a woman,
you suddenly decided to act for the first time like a man!
Aren't you supposed to be kidnapped?
I was. But I was so angry I escaped.
- What's going on? - We'll discuss it later.
Where are you going?
What is going on?
They have just had the big argument in the department store.
I can explain. I may have exaggerated the threat to my life, but with good reason.
So you weren't kidnapped?
- Not really, no. - But you do owe them money, right?
- Wrong. - I'm confused.
It took me a while to grasp it too, but basically your father
thought you needed a good incentive to play as a girl.
- So he concocted the entire thing. - But why?
- Why if we did not need the money? - Because he is a great coach.
And a great coach needs champions, otherwise he'sjust. ..
- A pushy father. - Right.
So, wait, I don't have woman's urine?
- It was borderline, but no. - I cannot believe this!
- I am the one who should be outraged! - 0h, really?
- And how do you figure that one out, eh? - You threw the match.
Had I really been kidnapped, I would have been killed thanks to you.
Except you weren't kidnapped!
But you didn't know that, you let me die!
Infidel.
(Twelve months later) -We are here at the Dom Stadjum in Tolovnik
to witness the triumph of local hero Dimitrije Erklaevic.
All that stands between him and a place in the final of tomorr0w's Sylvanian Open
is the insignificant matter of . .. Jimmy Stojkovic!
Having served out his 12-month ban, the greatest cheat
in the history of tennis has the audacity to return.
Let us pray to the gods
that his execution from this competition will be swift and painful.
- You were exquisite. - You were fantastic.
- You were astonishing. - You were exquisite.
I already said he was exquisite.
- What's he doing here? - Mum.
- Hallo. - Hey.
- Congratulation ?? you made the finals - As a man too.
I never really got the chance to explain.
- Boris wrote me a letter. - Boris can write?
One thing I never understood thou, is why you warned up to it?
I mean, you could have just gone away with the money, desappeared,
never seen me again.
Because I realized that I was in love with you. I couldn't keep lying.
- You're in love with me? - Of course.
I hope you don't think that means I forgive you.
- Not at all. - Because, well, I'm still very annoyed.
Feels like at this point we should kiss.
- All right then. - But that before ???
- I don't think so. - Ok.
- What are we going to do with them? - Mixed-double?
Dear God!
You'll coch, I'll manage and Boris... What can you be?
A stylist.
Resync: Xenzai[NEF]